The IVY Consortium

nyc in short, can be quite the oasis for the glittering literati - the cool and glamorous panorama of the academic elite. but hardly impressive when it comes down to being the real mccoy.

for starters, i am SO NOT impressed with mother fuckers from brown. lazy ass rich white kids who never studied through a core curriculum (the first i've ever heard of it ... actually, the only i've ever heard of it). it's of no wonder that they have time to organize orgies with the risdy hoes amidst all their "liberal" talk on american history, politics, and philosophy. interesting peoples? ... not really. equally unimpressive (but they think they're the hot shit when they're so the not shit) were the georgetown hoes. seriously now, georgetown folks just do NOT know when to TURN THAT SHIT OFF. to be quite honest, georgetown kids pissed me off the most. there's no right to be pretentious when public schools are outranking you for pete's sake. and just because you're the only somewhat competent school in town doesn't necessarily qualify you as being one of the best.

although i knew this all along throughout my four years in college, i have to say ... northwesterners for the most part are some lame ass retardildos. they're like the equivalent of soft core porn in an otherwise hard-core industry known as "academia". sadly enough ... everyone knows that any "academic" institution sporting the same school color as barney the dinosaur (purple) can never be taken seriously. chicago maroon. columbia blue. northwestern purple?? you get the picture. i rest my case.

princetonians are probably just as bad as the browntards if not even worse because they're preppy ass conservative uptight flaming argyle snots. when you have regular mother fuckers named "preston william bailey III" (i kid you not) and other WASPs of that nature, you know you're stuck right in the middle of prickville. i'd be scared to go to princeton for fear of developing xenophobia or becoming just like them. P is for princeton as is P is for prepster prick. however, the award for most overrated has to go to the columbia grads. not only do they have to overcompensate for their low performance ratings (that must be a bust on the ego), but they also have to explain why they have the most shittiest facilities. for a school that knows how to stack up on royalties, you would expect or rather demand some decent buildings that don't resemble your local elementary schools.

stanford and upenn alumni barely deserve mention here since the majority of the ones i met were fratty and disappointing. if they even had a sliver of the idiot savant in them, i would give them more credit but in the end ... they were obnoxious jerks with a penchant for beer ponging and staging stupid sideshow acts.

the rants end here so on to the raving reviews of the students that impressed the hell (i.e. kicked the shit) out of me.

i totally jock yalies. the common misconception regarding yale students is that they're preppy uptight little snotballs in the princetonian tradition but that couldn't be more untrue. they're in fact quite cool and experimentalist in nature. much more liberal than one would assume and overall, i found them to be very intelligent in addition to being extremely creative. yale students by far, had the best manners. they were polite, engaging, and perhaps, the most sympathetic of the crowd. the "H"-bomb ain't the "H"-bomb for nothing. harvard grads of course, are very well-articulated in that cultivated sort of way. and although some of the alumnus were uber-pretentious in a fuck-you-i-graduated-from-harvard kind of way ... at least they were well-rounded. but harvard's edge over other schools isn't primarily academic. i had to give them credit for the incredible range and diversity of their alumni. they really are the all-encompassing ivy in terms of covering every niche from the hardcore nerd undercover gunner types to the most asinine social pot-smoking frat animals.

last but not least ... cornell and chicago alumni. cornell alumni i believe, are the bread and butter of institutional academia. their merit lies not in their standards of academic excellence but in their consistency. most everyone i met out of ithaca wasn't as interesting as the yalies or as diverse as students out of harvard ... but pleasantly on par. chicago graduates on the other hand, were the diametric and almost, perverted reverse. academically ... they blew everyone out of the water. true to the socratic tradition of the pursuit of knowledge and academic excellence, chicago maroon really did turn out to be the real mccoy.

in general, harvard may be rated the gold standard in terms of general education in addition to such revered institutions like princeton and brown ... but yale and chicago i have to say, are of an entirely different caliber. this past weekend was most definitely an exercise in learning while at the same time being surprisingly enlightening and fun. it's amazing how small a network can be among what is consistently rated as top ten.

public schools you say? ...

now that's what i call an unbridgeable gap.

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